also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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