dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
