My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
God, I missed his penis.
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