i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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