I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
