Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
