I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
