she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
