Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
