The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
