dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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