I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
