I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
