so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
