Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think I just sharted jello shots
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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