We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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