Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize