I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
