I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
