HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
