She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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