Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
