You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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