i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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