At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
