I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
