Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
