I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
