Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
