**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
