she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
