Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
