My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
