I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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