Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
