This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
