I need help removing her.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
