I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize