she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
