my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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