Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize