You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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