So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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