He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
