mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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