When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
