if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
