you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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