Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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