halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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