just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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