I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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