yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
