I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
