Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
