Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize