Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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