the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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