Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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