i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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