You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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