You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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