i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
