mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
