Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize