I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
