I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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