i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
