do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
