the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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