I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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