Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So much Jack, so little girl.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
