I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
