ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i out mim tonsoeep
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