My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
