It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
