how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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