dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize