Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
