I faked an abortion last night.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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