I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
