I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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