my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
