It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
