I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
