My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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