the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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