Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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