Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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