peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She told me I should be a condom model.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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