he thought i was a dude.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Randomize
