just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
