Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
