Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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