just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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