His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
