if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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