PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
