Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
