My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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