Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
