Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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